If you know anything about me, you understand by the mere subject of this story that you are in for a very, very, very long read. If you have lots of time on your hands, had a good sleep last night, and the bravery to read on, I will fill you in on the morbid details on the most important event of my year.
Going into the World’s Toughest Mudder, I felt very confident. In 2015, I set personal best times at races of 5k, 10k, 10 miles, half, and full marathons. I also eclipsed my previous record in terms of training distance. I completed a total of 40 laps at ten regular Tough Mudder events this year to improve my technique on obstacles. Everything I did over the past 12 months was geared toward preparing me for my fourth WTM. I learned lessons at my previous three competitions. I was determined not to repeat any past mistakes and prove that I’m smarter than I look.
After the OCR World Championships in October I scaled down my training and focused on resting my body. I made a very wise decision and went to a massage therapist to help with some of my aches and pains. For the past couple of years I have been dealing with some nagging injuries. Thanks to the brilliant work of Cathy Cogghe and Chris Semenuk, they were able to identify and treat the source of these problems. I had my last treatment the day before we flew out to Vegas. I felt the best I had in years. Nothing was going to stop me. Or so I hoped.
Before I carry on, I should remind those who doesn’t know how important Tough Mudder is to me. Physical challenges aside, it is where I have met some of the best friends in my life. We come from various backgrounds and walks of life but we have a common, unbreakable bond. Over the past four years, I have been extremely fortunately to meet countless people. I love hearing their stories. It doesn’t matter if they are young/old, male/female, or furry/bald. These people have a passion to improve themselves. We are out to conquer a course together and come out on the other side, stronger than before. Much has been made of the 100 Tough Mudder laps I have completed. More importantly, I have finished these laps with 147 different people. I keep a list of these human beings and I talk to several of them on a regular basis. This doesn’t count everyone I’ve met on the journey. Some of my friends are wonderful volunteers who give up their time to encourage us out there on the course. Their support cannot be measured on any scale. Bottom line: I love my fellow Mudders.
Now let’s get back to the topic at hand: WTM 2015. Unfortunately not all of the aforementioned people could make it to Vegas for a variety of reasons. Some of these key people were in my thoughts throughout the race and I referenced them in a Facebook post I made the morning of the event. However, there were over 100 people attending the event that I have come to know. Not only was this going to be the challenge of the year but I’d get to hang out with so many terrific friends. It doesn’t get much better.
MJ and I arrived Wednesday and got to hang out with Melissa, Cory, JP, and his family. The next day MJ, Ed, Amy and I went for an amazing hike near the Hoover Dam. We spent hours climbing rocks, pulling ourselves up ropes, and acting like little kids in a massive natural playground. That night we met up with a couple hundred wild Mudders for a meal. On Friday we registered and then went to the venue to set up our tents in the pit area. Every time I turned around I saw another friendly face. It was fabulous seeing so many friends nearby. That night we again went out to eat with the Mudder family and then got to see Sean Corvelle, Tahir Moore, and Clinton Jackson perform and show off their comedic talent. It was a great way to take our minds off what we were about to do the next day.
Many people asked what my facepaint theme would be this year. I didn’t decide on a look until a couple days before the event. Eric Jenkins came up with the idea of a Minion. This seemed like a perfect concept. In case another sandstorm blew up in the middle of the night, goggles might come in handy. But of course I couldn’t be yellow. My head had to be painted Mudder orange. On the back I paid tribute to Brady Archer with a puzzle piece and a Roman numeral four to represent my fourth 24 hour battle. MJ was given a break from facepainting duties. Amy Pajcic was the lead artist on this day. Joel & Amy Forsyth, and Max Colvey came in and helped with the final touches.
The traffic getting to the event was a bit sluggish. Including participants, pit crews, volunteers, and staff there had to be a couple thousand people down there to unload gear and prepare for the event. Once we got there, it was another big reunion. I dragged poor MJ around so she could take pictures with me and as many of my friends as possible. I know we missed some but we tried. During all this I didn’t even put much thought into the race itself. I hadn’t studied a map. I didn’t know all the obstacles or what they entailed. I know this sounds ridiculous considering how serious I take this event. My philosophy was if I couldn’t handle an obstacle there wasn’t much I could do about it at this point so why worry? Call it the Alfred E Neuman approach.
Previous WTMs started at 10:00am. But not this year. TMHQ tossed in a new wrinkle and changed the start time to 2pm. This meant we had less time on the course before darkness came. This was key. And mean.
When it was time for the official pre-race briefing, we huddled together near the start line. We listened to the rules of the competition. Sean Corvelle did his magical thing and got us all pumped up. If his words don’t motivate or touch some part of you, you must be made of rock.
This year I was fortunate enough to start out with my good friends Allison Tai and Heather Clapacs. I figure we started about middle of the pack. As in the past, the first lap of the 5 mile course was obstacle-free in order to space us out and reduce bottlenecks. As we got going, I was able to sneak my way up through the pack. My eyes lit up (as much as my squinty eyes with painted goggles can actually light up) whenever I recognized a friend on the course. I made a point of giving them friendly taps on the butt (except for DJ Hart and his speedo… there was no way I was touching that). By the time, the first lap was done, I was feeling pretty good. I was actually sweating pretty good too.
Since the rules stated that the obstacles would open at exactly 3pm (one hour into the race), I knew I had time to complete a full lap before getting wet or dirty. At the end of the first lap I quickly grabbed a drink and my life jacket. In case you don’t know, I’m not the world’s best swimmer. I can handle short swims but that’s about it. Last year Caelin White and Melissa Dugan both saved me at WTM water crossings. At the end of the 3rd lap at WTM 2014, I borrowed Mark Edwards’ life jacket. This year I brought my own. Three of them.
During the second lap, I continued to make pretty good time. I joined up with Eric Jenkins and Jason Rulo and we tried to gobble up as much of the course as we could until the obstacles opened up. At 3pm, the horn sounded. Our first obstacle was Vertigo. Later in this book I will go into more depth about each obstacle. But I need to explain this one. It was a cargo net climb followed by a balance beam walk over another cargo net. I’m pretty proud of my balancing skills. Normally I ace these every time. But not on this day. I was about halfway across the balance beam when I fell. And it wasn’t to the side onto the cargo net. Not at all. I completely flipped and the back of my right knee came down on the beam. Hard. I checked and I wasn’t cut and no bones were sticking out but I had a nasty red scrape just above my sock. What a way to start. First obstacle and I hurt myself. Brilliant.
Fortunately there wasn’t a penalty associated with this particular obstacle. Eric and Jason asked if I was all right. Of course I shrugged it off and carried on. They pulled ahead and I went at my own pace. I’m sure I met up with a few other friends along this lap but those details are fuzzy. What I remember most is how cold the water was. Normally the plan is to gradually gear up and put on warmer clothes as the temperature drops. I had planned to put on some cold gear compression clothes then some neoprene then my shorty wet suit and if necessary my farmer john or full wetsuit. Along the way I heard some people talking about putting on full wetsuits after just the second lap. I thought they were insane for considering that so soon. However, the water obstacles kept coming and coming. I couldn’t believe how much water we had to face or how cold it was. By the time we made it to Roll The Dice (before the 4th mile on this lap), I had decided to skip the cold gear and go straight to my shorty wetsuit and neoprene gloves. I wasn’t going to risk hypothermia so soon. And it turns out this was the right call. Many, many people didn’t gear up in time and suffered from the cold. They went from sweating to shivering in a very short period. Not good.
As I was in the pit getting on my new gear, I mentioned to MJ that I was starting to tighten up. One of my pre-race nagging injuries was coming back and I was only ten miles in! This wasn’t good. As luck would have it, Scott McCrackin’s wife, Amanda, was in the pit area with a massage table. I said the word ‘pectineus’ and she knew exactly what to do. She immediately found the knot in my leg and worked it out. I couldn’t believe it. As I sit here typing this, a lot of my body aches but not that part. She fixed me up and it was never an issue for the rest of the race. This was a huge help. Thank you, Amanda!!!!
As I mentioned earlier, we had a later start time this year so it got dark in a hurry. And of course the temperature dropped as well. I made the right call with the wetsuit. Many others on the course were also heavily geared up. This was only going to slow us down. Many expectations of mileage goals went out the window during this race. The obstacles were challenging. The footing was rough. We had to be on the constant watch for rocks and cracks that could take us out. The water was nasty cold. But the elevation was brutal. We seemed to be either going up or down all the time. There were very few stretches of flat terrain. Brady Archer, the evil mastermind who designed this course, wanted to make us suffer. And suffer we did. I can hear him cackling somewhere.
I won’t go into detail of each lap because they eventually blurred together. Each lap I kept hearing the names of more and more friends who had dropped out due to injury or hypothermia. We didn’t get the sandstorm that we had last year but this course was a killer. It was the hardest WTM I’ve done. It wore on us physically and mentally. As you probably know, I’m a rather determined (ok fine, bone-headed and stubborn) fellow and it takes a lot to stop me once I have my mind set on something. There was no way I was going to allow this course to beat me. I was not going to stop. That was never an option. I pitted for the least time possible so I wouldn’t seize up or get cold. I just grabbed drinks and food and kept trudging along.
In addition to my stubbornness, I had plenty of reason to keep going. I kept going for all my friends who couldn’t join us this year. I kept going for those who got injured and had to drop out. And I kept going because of the other warriors out there. I tell you, something magical happens out there on the course. We can do some pretty crazy things that our bodies shouldn’t allow us to do. Whenever I saw someone hurting out there I gave them an encouraging word to keep fighting. Whenever I saw a friend I made sure they were okay. And this was done right back at me. I can’t put into words what it means to be encouraged by legendary athletes like Ryan Atkins, Amelia Boone, and Deanna Blegg. Every single time those three saw me out there they encouraged me by name. It doesn’t get any better than that. I wasn’t going to let them down. I wasn’t going to let my friends or family down. I was not going to stop. Think of me as a bald Terminator on a mission to capture a black headband.
As the day went on, I continued to slow down. My right leg was starting to become a problem. I was so focused on moving forward that I totally forgot about my fall on Vertigo. I couldn’t understand why my leg wasn’t bending like it should. I just kept pushing on.
During one lap, my headlamp malfunctioned about 2 miles in and randomly changed from white to red to off. It made navigating the course rather challenging. Each step became a gamble. Having the sun come up helped our spirits. Being able to see the ground was a huge boost. Feeling a bit of warmth from the sun was fantastic. But unlike past years, we still had a lot of race left in us. We were far from done.
I’m going to take a moment now to give credit to my pit crew. Of course MJ was there with me with her camera and famous ‘woohoo’ banshee screams. She helped me get clothes ready and drinks and food when I needed them. But as much as I love her, I have to give even more credit to Jason Harley. He didn’t even know he could go to WTM until the very last minute. But I am soooooo glad that he did. He flew into Vegas to help Francis Lackner and me in the pit. I am so lucky he was there. Whenever I came in for a lap, he was there with exactly what I requested. He saved me so much precious time. Because he was so efficient and fast, I didn’t have to worry about seizing up or getting cold. He was the ultimate pit crew. I got really, really lucky. He was there all night long. I think I only missed seeing him after one lap. But of course I was fortunate to have Joel’s pit crew: Amy Forsyth and Max Colvey out there. At times I felt like a human Nascar having so many people helping me in the pit getting changed and fed.
As I said before, I have learned from mistakes made in previous WTMs. Sometimes I didn’t eat the right stuff at the right time or didn’t put on the right gear at the right time. I made the ultimate blunder last year when I put my leg through the arm sleeve of my wetsuit. That idiotic move cost me valuable time and energy. But not this year. I couldn’t be more pleased with my decisions. I wore the right clothes at the right times. I ate the right food at the right times. I was never hungry. I was never very cold. Again, having my pit crew there was a huge benefit and I cannot thank them enough.
The last few laps are always hard. That’s when fatigue and pain set in. It becomes more mental at that point. You just have to will yourself forward. Again, I can’t emphasize enough how important it is seeing friends out there.
Joel Forsyth is an absolute beast. He has the dubious honour of completing more Tough Mudder laps with me than anyone else. He is full tilt. He killed the course and finished in 7th place overall by doing a brain-numbing 80 miles. I knew he was hurting but he pushed through. That inspired me. If he could keep going, so could I.
I believe it was on my tenth lap, I bumped into my great friends Greg and Kristy McBride. For some reason Kristy cannot catch a break and she always seems to come into WTM with an injury of some sort. But she is one of the toughest people I know. She doesn’t let pain stop her. She is a warrior. At OCRWC the month before she hurt her hamstring and had to do some quick healing (again). I know every step became a struggle for her but she didn’t quit. Both she and Greg finished just under 60 miles.
Another key person in those final miles was the mysterious Batdog. Even though we only met recently, I have great respect for this man. I don’t know how he did it but he kept popping up throughout the course and giving not just me but several others the encouragement to continue. He would ask what our goals were and made sure we achieved them. Even if it was only for a few minutes here or there, he was shot of adrenaline. It’s very possible that I hallucinated him sometimes.
While we’re on the topic of goals, let me talk about that. Many people asked what I hoped to accomplish this year. I was reluctant to answer. Last year I did 60 miles but made some blunders and felt I should have gone farther. In 2013, I managed to squeak in 75 miles but that was on a much flatter and drier course in New Jersey and we had two hours to complete a final lap assuming we started it before the 24 hours expired. This year they cut that down to just 1.5 extra hours. I had a feeling 75 miles on this terrain wouldn’t be possible for me but all I could do is do my best. Early on in the race I knew it would be hard. As the course pounded us down I began to do the math and figured out what was possible. If I picked up the pace I should be able to get in 60 miles again. With 5.5 hours to go, I ran as much of that eleventh lap as I could. When I started my final lap at 12:26, I felt pretty confident that I could finish it within three hours. Even though I could hardly bend my knee, I figured I could hobble my way through another 5 miles.
This final lap deserves its own paragraph. I started it alone. I remember Clinton Jackson getting me pumped up and I told him I wanted them to change it to a 48 hour race so I could keep going and going. A guy filmed me as I jumped up and down and ran up that first hill. Ok I know it wasn’t much of a run. Let’s call it a series of fast lunges. Shortly after the first obstacle of the lap, none other than Caelin White spotted me. He was one of my heroes last year and I helped facilitate his entry to WTM this year. What a storybook ending it would be to finish this final lap with him. Unfortunately my leg was pretty much useless and running was impossible. By the time we got half way through the lap at Upper Decker, I told him to go ahead . He had more energy in the tank and there was no point in me slowing him down. The wind was picking up and it wasn’t fair for me to hold him back. Immediately after this obstacle was the water station. And who did I see standing all by herself? Stephanie Huntsman. She was hurting and waiting for some other friends coming up. She told me to go ahead because she didn’t want to slow me down. I explained to her that caterpillars were passing me by this point so it wasn’t possible to slow me down any. We hobbled our way together for the next 1.5 miles. With just about a mile to go, three amazing people joined us: Chad Macek, Andrew Ekberg, and Melissa Dugan. It was perfect. Andrew and I finished WTM together last year when we met up at the end. Melissa was another of my saviors at WTM 2014. This was the first time I saw her the entire race. And Chad is just a beast who also fought through injury and pain. How fitting after 25 hours that we finally all bumped into each other. The five of us walked that final mile together to the Cliff. This 35 foot jump was the last obstacle on the course. It was only a couple hundred yards from the finish. Again, just like last year, Andrew and I were up there together. It was the perfect ending.
Almost.
Remember what happened earlier when I attempted my first obstacle of the day? It didn’t go so well. Unfortunately the same can be said of my final obstacle of the day. It took me a while to remember what happened and I had to talk to several people to fill in the blanks. Let’s just say I didn’t execute the jump very well and scared some people who are very important to me. Believe it or not I don’t want to go into details as to exactly what happened. Talk to me in person sometime and I’ll explain further. All that matters in the end is that I’m okay.
I was extremely honoured to have none other than Brady Archer put that coveted black headband on me. I completed 60 very hard fought miles. Woohoo.
So that’s that. At this point I’m going to describe and analyze my performance on each of the obstacles. As always, feel free to skip ahead if you find this too boring.
The obstacles:
Everest: We had three choices here:
- Everest 2.0 which was added to the TM course this year. It is harder than the past and I only managed to get up it by myself twice all season
- Everest 1.0 was the easier option but if we opted for this we had to run a short penalty distance
- Bypass option which was a longer penalty run and included a Birth Canal obstacle. I got up Everest 2.0 on the first couple of laps (with help) but eventually opted for the bypass to save energy later into the race.
Whale’s Turd This involved a swim followed by a cargo net climb over three gigantic inflatable balloon like things. Unfortunately this obstacle fell apart early into the competition so I only had to do it a few times. They replaced it with just a swim.
Hydroplane This is where we had to run across three floating platforms to get to the other side of the water. I did fine with this one. It wasn’t too tricky and we could stay relatively dry if we did it properly.
Liberator This is the same obstacle they had all year at regular Tough Mudders. It’s a pegboard to climb with a couple of dowels. Easy stuff.
Abseil They had this at WTM last year as well. It’s a rope climb down a cliff. It’s pretty easy. This is where I met up with Scott Keneally one lap and he decided to slide down on his butt. His wetsuit didn’t appreciate that too much.
The Gamble This was cool. We had to roll dice to decide which of six different walls to scale. Some were harder than others. Of course we helped each other. It’s what Mudders do.
Vertigo I already described this one. Cargo net climb followed by a balance beam. After my fall, I played this safe and only did the required minimum to get through it.
Operation Now this was fun!! We had a long metal pole with a hook on the end. We had to reach through a hole and try to latch onto a plastic band and pull it back. Simple, right? Did I mention the sides of the hole were electrified and we were standing in water? 🙂 Lots of fun memories here. I was 7 out of 11 tries on this one. The penalty involved carrying a sand bag through a tunnel. Some people took the penalty every time. But as you may know, I’m not afraid of getting zapped and having my hair stand on end.
Tight Fit Ugh. Heavy cargo net over a series of tires. They had this last year too. It was tighter last year though. This is extremely annoying to go through while wearing a life jacket.
Grease Monkey I aced this one every time. 11 out of 11. Monkey bars are much easier without a broken finger. I didn’t see the penalty for this but I heard it involved going up and down a hill with a rubber band around your feet. Odd.
Statue of Liberty We had to swim with a torch across the water without the fire going out. Obviously my life jacket came in handy here. I didn’t have any troubles with it. I don’t even know what the penalty was. In the daytime this was just another swim.
Gut Buster I liked this one. It was a series of poles out of the water we had to lean on with our feet against a slanted wall. Slip and fall face-first into the water. When I originally saw it I thought this would be impossible but it turns out I was just tall enough to reach. I know that shorter people struggled on this obstacle. The penalty was a cinder block carry. I was 10 out of 11 on this one. The only time I failed is when I picked a different lane and went to the right instead of the left. Apparently I’m more coordinated with my left hand leading. Who knew?
Upper Decker This one involved a rope climb up out of water and into a tunnel and then under barbed wire. I didn’t have any problems with it but some people struggled. After a couple of laps they modified this and had us go in reverse: crawl then drop into the water. I hear several people got hurt here prior to the change.
King of the Swingers This obstacle debuted at WTM 2014 where I failed it every time. It became a frequent obstacle at most of the Tough Mudders I did this season where I gradually improved my success rate. It involves jumping out and grabbing a swing and launching yourself out to hit a bell with your hand. At this WTM they added a bonus wrinkle. If you were able to hit the bell you were given a gold carabiner which could be used to bypass selected obstacles. Guess who didn’t receive a single carabiner. This guy.
Kiss of Mud 2.0 Of course this crawl under barbed wire obstacle had to be there. They made it a bit interesting with a row of straw bales to go over and I’m sure they intentionally placed some of those nasty rocks in there. I log-rolled through this to protect my knees and elbows.
Roll the Dice This was a fun one. It’s hard to describe though. Of course it involved us standing in more water. The idea was to rotate these large four sided panels and grab on and flip over to the other side. The more people working the dice, the easier it got.
Tramp Stamp This was unique. We had to jump onto a mini trampoline and grab handles and zip-line across the water. Unfortunately my trampolining skills aren’t the best. On my first attempt I landed wrong and hyper extended my foot. On the next couple of tries I didn’t come anywhere near the handles. Before I was able to work out the proper technique, it got dark. In other words, I got wet and had to do some extra penalty running on this one.
Royal Flush Guess what. More water. This time we had to wade through water and climb up a tube while water was poured on us from above. It got to be rather rude. My best memory of this obstacle was going through it with Amelia Boone. As soon as we got out she vanished into the dark as if she never even existed.
Mud Mile Believe it or not this was one of the easiest mud miles I’d ever done. The water wasn’t too deep. There weren’t a lot of mounds. And for a while we could get through it without even getting wet if you knew where to walk. We only had to do this obstacle until midnight when they opened…
The Cliff Apparently the penalty for this was a long run along with a mud mile and electroshock therapy. But why go through all that trouble when you could just drop 35 feet off a cliff? What could possibly go wrong, especially when wearing a life jacket and wet suit? Just ask Chad, Stephanie, Melissa, or Andrew. Despite what happened I will not hesitate to do this obstacle at WTM 2016.
I know I didn’t mention everyone who needs to be thanked. Here are another couple of other notables.
Dave McCaughrin drove all the way from home and brought along a lot of my gear. That came in very handy. I didn’t have to make difficult decision as to what to leave at home. I was able to have almost every piece of gear I own. It’s good to be prepared.
Other locals included Matt and Sheldon Richie. I’ve been lucky enough to have a Richie on the course with me at 3 of the 4 WTMs I’ve done. They are a wonderful family.
Francis Lackner. What a guy. Not only did he share his pit crew with me but he gave many of us a huge boost going into the event when he announced that his mother’s cancer was in remission!! If you’ve followed my Facebook pictures, you’ve seen plenty of shots of Francis carrying Santa throughout Tough Mudder courses this year. It was his Christmas wish to have his mother get better. I joined him on a few occasions this year and even carried a Santa through a lap at Wisconsin. In Michigan we carried roses with us to support her as well. Hearing the wonderful news gave us extra strength.
Other inspirations people include Hanna Copper and Cassie Harris. They refuse to let illness slow them down. I can never get enough hugs from these ladies.
And of course there’s my adorable wife, MJ. She has followed me around the mud in some pretty crazy conditions. She even did 4 Tough Mudder laps this year. She’s small but makes a lot of noise out there. Her “woohoo” shrieks have inspired/frightened thousands of people over the years.
I think that’s about it. Sorry if I left out anyone. Obviously I could go one but I’ve already written a lot. Hopefully Facebook has room for all this. Mark Zuckerberg might get paged after I post this.
In case you are curious, here are my final results.
– Distance: 60 miles
– Time: 25:22:40
– 79th out of 1141 individual participants
– 2nd in my age division
– 4th Canadian
– only 2 people older than me finished ahead of me
The question I’ll ask myself over the next 12 months is whether or not I could have done better at WTM 2015.
Clearly the fall I took at mile 7 took its toll and turned me into a walking zombie by the end. Had I not hurt myself, how much farther could I have pushed myself? There’s no way to tell. All I can do is train hard and try to do better at WTM 2016.
The night before the event, I received a bracelet and I wore it throughout the race.
It reads:
Run when you can, walk if you have to, crawl if you must… JUST NEVER GIVE UP!
I know in my heart that I followed those instructions.
Thank you for making it to the end. Sorry if you missed the birth of a child or some other significant event as a result of the time lost reading this.
– Joe Perry, Wallaceburg
– Photo from Facebook
